Have you ever found yourself in one of those relationships where you feel that you are the one who is doing all the giving?
Agreed, for a relationship to really work one needs to commit oneself to it, to invest yourself in it, to give of yourself. But in return, one needs to receive something too. Just giving becomes tiresome eventually, and then you reach a point where you start withholding a little, and the recipient on the other end of the connection realises that something has changed. The river is not as plentiful anymore. That brings in insecurity and the crack starts to widen.
The logical mind steps in and tries to compensate for the vacuum. It is not necessary that the person we do all this for, feel the same way about us. Giving is our choice and our choice alone. We have made this decision for a reason, and let’s be honest, that reason is usually something we do for ourself, even though often times we don’t recognise that. Stay in a marriage for kids or security. Stay in a friendship for social or other benefits. Stay with a parent because we feel we owe them.
Then there is perspective. Perspective changes everything. If you can truly empathise with the other person, you will realise that their picture is quite different from what you imagined it would be. From their perspective they ARE reciprocating. Often times what we receive is not what we had wanted to receive, so we just don’t realise that we have received anything at all!
It’s not simple to switch ‘thinking hats’ that completely and objectively, yet it’s something we should try.
But at the end of the day, it is only my perspective that directly affects me. The heart wants what the heart wants. It wants to get what it wants to get, and it wants to get back as much if not more. So there is this constant battle between your heart and your mind, and when the heart and mind are both yours, irrespective of who wins, you lose.
It takes a considerably evolved mind to be able to balance the two. Personally I don’t buy into the concept of ‘equal relationships’. It is human to push until we meet resistance. The push happens from both sides and on multiple fronts. Often the push is quite subtle. For a relationship to work, what is finally arrived upon is a ‘balanced relationship’. I take a little more of this, I give a little more of that. So once a balance is found, is it happily ever after? Hah… You wish! Just as the tectonic plates keep shifting, so to do our emotional planes. Nothing is more inevitable than change, and as we keep growing, changing, evolving, the process of finding that balance continues. The negotiations between the heart and mind continue. The search for moksha continues.
And with some people, I still feel that I’m doing too much giving!
Written for Saturday Stream of Consciousness word prompt – give/given/giving